God's Love Letter to YOU

My Child,

You may not know me,
but I know everything about you.
Psalm 139:1

I know when you sit down and when you rise up.
Psalm 139:2

I am familiar with all your ways.
Psalm 139:3

Even the very hairs on your head are numbered.
Matthew 10:29-31

For you were made in my image.
Genesis 1:27

In me you live and move and have your being.
Acts 17:28

For you are my offspring.
Acts 17:28

I knew you even before you were conceived.
Jeremiah 1:4-5

I chose you when I planned creation.
Ephesians 1:11-12

You were not a mistake,
for all your days are written in my book.
Psalm 139:15-16

I determined the exact time of your birth
and where you would live.
Acts 17:26

You are fearfully and wonderfully made.
Psalm 139:14

I knit you together in your mother's womb.
Psalm 139:13

And brought you forth on the day you were born.
Psalm 71:6

I have been misrepresented
by those who don't know me.
John 8:41-44

I am not distant and angry,
but am the complete expression of love.
1 John 4:16

And it is my desire to lavish my love on you.
1 John 3:1

Simply because you are my child
and I am your Father.
1 John 3:1

I offer you more than your earthly father ever could.
Matthew 7:11

For I am the perfect father.
Matthew 5:48

Every good gift that you receive comes from my hand.
James 1:17

For I am your provider and I meet all your needs.
Matthew 6:31-33

My plan for your future has always been filled with hope.
Jeremiah 29:11

Because I love you with an everlasting love.
Jeremiah 31:3

My thoughts toward you are countless
as the sand on the seashore.
Psalms 139:17-18

And I rejoice over you with singing.
Zephaniah 3:17

I will never stop doing good to you.
Jeremiah 32:40

For you are my treasured possession.
Exodus 19:5

I desire to establish you
with all my heart and all my soul.
Jeremiah 32:41

And I want to show you great and marvelous things.
Jeremiah 33:3

If you seek me with all your heart,
you will find me.
Deuteronomy 4:29

Delight in me and I will give you
the desires of your heart.
Psalm 37:4

For it is I who gave you those desires.
Philippians 2:13

I am able to do more for you
than you could possibly imagine.
Ephesians 3:20

For I am your greatest encourager.
2 Thessalonians 2:16-17

I am also the Father who comforts you
in all your troubles.
2 Corinthians 1:3-4

When you are brokenhearted,
I am close to you.
Psalm 34:18

As a shepherd carries a lamb,
I have carried you close to my heart.
Isaiah 40:11

One day I will wipe away
every tear from your eyes.
Revelation 21:3-4

And I'll take away all the pain
you have suffered on this earth.
Revelation 21:3-4

I am your Father, and I love you
even as I love my son, Jesus.
John 17:23

For in Jesus, my love for you is revealed.
John 17:26

He is the exact representation of my being.
Hebrews 1:3

He came to demonstrate that I am for you,
not against you.
Romans 8:31

And to tell you that I am not counting your sins.
2 Corinthians 5:18-19

Jesus died so that you and I could be reconciled.
2 Corinthians 5:18-19

His death was the ultimate expression
of my love for you.
1 John 4:10

I gave up everything I loved
that I might gain your love.
Romans 8:31-32

If you receive the gift of my son Jesus,
you receive me.
1 John 2:23

And nothing will ever separate you
from my love again.
Romans 8:38-39

Come home and I'll throw the biggest party
heaven has ever seen.
Luke 15:7

I have always been Father,
and will always be Father.
Ephesians 3:14-15

My question is…
Will you be my child?
John 1:12-13

I am waiting for you.
Luke 15:11-32

Love, Your Dad
Almighty God

 Father's Love Letter used by permission Father Heart Communications
© 1999-2011 www.FathersLoveLetter.com

Is it ultimately selfish to do good for others?

I am a Christian.   I have heard the arguments that Christians only do good for the sake of getting a reward (Heaven). I don't do good for a reward. 

I have chosen life - in Jesus - and what comes along with choosing life is a conversion of heart mind and soul.  This is me being a new creature; a new creature who lives in the light of the Lord God.  The nature of God is love, kindness, grace (generosity), forgiveness, goodness, patience and many other positive things.  I have no joy unless I'm doing what pleases the Lord.  I don't enjoy worldly things anymore.    As I walk with Jesus throughout my life, I am refined and I take on the nature of Him more and more as I go along.  I willingly want to share Jesus' goodness with others and help others however I'm needed and/or can help.   This is not to "GET" something(Heaven)  - it is because I've a changed nature - changed to match the nature of God.   

If we try to do things to get into heaven (thought of by people as a reward), we will never get there. The ONLY way to heaven is to turn to Jesus and accept the gift of life that he offers.   It is therein that the conversion and longing to do good lies.

My Testimony

My childhood:

I grew up in a pentecostal family.  I went to church every Sunday from birth. It was boring and fairly meaningless to me. I wanted to be "good" and love God and Jesus but I didn't understand even the little bit that I was taught about loving God.  The bible was incredibly boring to me and I had no idea how to read it.  When I tried, I got bored very quickly due to the frustration of not understanding what i was reading.  All I was ever taught in Sunday School and church was very shallow versions of the stories which probably anyone who had every heard them (non-christians) in passing would know.  I constantly heard the same morals from the same 10 or 15 bible stories.  None of them seemed remotely relevant to me and they were just fantasy as far as I could tell.  I believed in God only because I didn't know it was even an option to not believe in God.

Teen Years:

I spent 17 years being forced to go to church.  Sometimes I liked it but that was rare.  I was a quiet, introverted, fat girl who wasn't the same age as any of the other girls in my church.  I barely ever said a peep and I felt like I was not welcome in a place where, ideally, people should always feel welcome.  I tried to fit in but did not ever really feel welcome there.  Therefore, church was always accompanied by this uneasy feeling of being ignored or talked about behind my back.  I was also invisible at school or mocked for being Christian, fat, ugly and poor.
At the age of 17, I got a full time summer job at Canada's Wonderland.  Part of the job was, of course, being required to work on Sundays.  I felt that at last, I was free from being forced to go to church.  I was still expected to go to church the weeks that I wasn't working but it was at least less torture for me.  I had no problem missing it. 

Young Adult Years:

Throughout the next few years, I had found more acceptance from non-christians than from girls who I had known most of my life.   I still "liked" God but I, because of my very weak foundation in knowledge about anything Godly, was very easily led away from all of the morals I was taught growing up.

When I was 20, crisis hit my family.  My parents, who were christian, started fighting and proceeded to get separated (but still lived in the same house, and for the first few months even stayed in the same bed).  It was insanely tense most of the time. You could cut the tension with a knife, as the phrase goes.  I didn't realize how much it had affected my psyche until years later.  I had been very sheltered as I was growing up and now everything was changing.  I became a very angry person before very long and without realizing why.

I started to spend more time with non-christian friends and was even more easily pressured to drink, smoke weed, party all weekend, dabble in recreational drugs (magic mushrooms, hashish). It wasn't as horrible as it could have been but I was still very far away from God.  I would get drunk and stoned every Friday and Saturday night, and then go to work the following day and work in my clothes from the previous day while hungover.   I got to the point where I couldn't imagine life without getting drunk and stoned on the weekends.  Then smoking weed started to bleed into my daily life. 

I remember one night, sleeping at my friend, Jessie's place after a party, overhearing Jessie say to a couple of friends "Isn't Amanda so cool! And she's a christian!".  I remember feeling ashamed to even be called a Christian at that point.  I certainly did not act like a christian and I wanted to have nothing to do with, what I perceived to be, those oppressive, judgmental, holier-than-thou, hypocritical bigots anyway.

Part of me did want to but I didn't' understand God  in the slightest other than my perception that God was a big scary, mean buzz kill.  I had outwardly christian-like behaviours. I was kind, polite, quiet and a strong work-ethic.  But inside my mind and heart, I was confused, angry and rebellious. My heart was as black as soot.

Info "Addiction" Beginnings: 

I had gone through my "party" phase of life but I had grown tired of it fairly quickly (age 21 to 24). But by this time, i had all but forgotten God.  An online friend had told me, casually, one night when he was logging off "oh, look up the Illuminati".

I googled it and I was shocked.  I had a hard time believing what i read. but the more terms i searched or cross-referenced, the more real it became to me.  In the past (2000-2001) I worked a midnight shift at a gas station so I'd pass the time listening to Coast to Coast A.M.  A few things I'd heard on there started to make sense.

Confused, prodigal phase:

I went through a brief phase where i wanted to go to church.  I started attending church again, reading the bible again trying to learn how to pray.  But I got NOTHING from it.  I was crushed and depressed and just gave up for a long time.


I started to get very involved in learning as much as I could about the Illuminati and related topics.  I was starving for information. This hunger for knowledge  also applied to learning history, astronomy, physics, quantum mechanics, music, arts and crafts, and many other subjects which i can't think of at the moment.

But that led me to searching for "truth" about life.  I had all of these mixed up philosophies about life. i even vaguely believed evolution (maybe in conjunction with creation), reincarnation, etc. I still sort of believed in God but not as a conscious entity.  More of the new-age view of God as "the universal higher power", whatever that even means.

Self Justification:

All it meant to me was that I could continue to waste my life doing things that I wanted.  buying what I wanted, watching what I wanted, associating with who I wanted.
Who wants to have to obey a bunch of rules, right?  That's for kids. I was an adult and a very smart adult, at that.  I knew it all. Except that I was still completely lost, confused and mislead.  The more I felt like I "knew", the more lost and hopeless I was.  I became consumed with learning. I was searching for information constantly.  I'd spend my few breaks at work watching videos on my phone and spending all my free time at home reading the internet or watching videos.

I was so sure that I knew what I was doing and that I knew more than everyone else.

Signals:

I had always had weird dreams. Always wandering around in  some sort of gigantic dark building.  It was always very ominous and confusing.  This became normal to me and I started to not even care.  But one night, last summer, I had a dream that really bugged me.  I dreamed that I was getting into an elevator.  The elevator was going to take me either to Heaven or to Hell. I was confident which way it would go.  but then .. it went down.   I was shocked. In the dream and when I woke up.  I started to think.   I told my sister about it later on and she suggested that maybe it was what I needed to start questioning my direction in life. That maybe God was trying to get my attention.

A week later, I met my boyfriend. Online. I was still confused about theology and had been starting to think of myself as an Agnostic.  But he started showing me some videos about Creation v. Evolution by Dr Walter Veith. I rolled my eyes when I saw that he was trying to prove creation as how the bible describes it.  Everyone knows that's ridiculous, right?  Well, as I started to watch more and more videos, I started to understand. It started to become logical to me.  I started watching all of his videos.  I found his explanations engrossing and completely convincing.  My obsession for learning translated into an obsession for learning about God, history (including biblical history), prophecy and the end times theories.


 

Letting God break down my walls:

 
I  spent the next 6 months learning about these things and looking for sermons online.  I was learning that God was, in fact, NOT a big, mean, wrathful grump.  That He was love. And learning how much He loved the people he created.  I spent this time randomly breaking down into tears. Sometimes it was because I was overwhelmed with Joy. Other times, I was overwhelmed with sadness for how people were taught to view God. How God loved us and we just treated him like a reject.  Sometimes it was both mixed together.  The whole process was very emotional.   In April 2012, I found a video testimony about Emmanuel Amos Eni who was formally a witch doctor who was verily heavily involved in the demonic spiritual world.  Through his testimony video (which was actually a reading of his book), I learned that in this world, you can not be a casual Christian. You have to be completely committed.  If you are not strongly committed to the Lord, Satan and his angels will come along and attack you, after they lead you away from Him - if he needs to do that much.   
That was what I needed to hear to decide that I was all or nothing. There is no middle ground on this issue. I spent the next few weeks completely engrossed in sermons on YouTube from various pastors and as it was revealed to me the absolute loving nature of God, I gave up any resistance to the Holy Spirit.   I spent the next week constantly learning about everything I could, praying, crying, praying and crying at the same time, singing/playing praise songs or hymns on piano.   I repented from my sins and asked the Holy Spirit to help me keep all of His commandments.  
Now, literally all I cared about was learning about, talking about, thinking about, hearing about God.  But no one in my life had any interest in talking about it, except an online friend who usually had to leave before talking to me very long and sometimes, my sister. 
 I had been telling one of my piano students' mom (Sophia) how I was learning about the Seventh-Day Adventist view of life and she invited me to go to church with her.  April 28, 2012  I was supposed to go to church but I guess I wasn't ready to go yet.  But the following Saturday, I decided that I wanted to go. I called Sophia and asked to go with her to church that morning.  Well, she gladly picked me up and when we got to church, she introduced me around to everyone.
 I felt so welcome, it was heartwarming.  I felt like I was home.  My soul was at absolute peace being there.  By the next Saturday, I was already playing the piano for service and getting to know a ton of people.  I was fully immersed in the church family. I even had a passion, immediately, for teaching others about the Lord and trying to help them understand God's unadulterated love.

 I am now so filled with complete peace, joy, love that sometimes I can't stand it. 

Update - May 29 2013

 It has been a year since I started attending church.  It is great. My life and heart have changed in so many ways, I could not even explain.   Not only does the world make complete sense now (yes, I'm serious), but I have learned to let go of anger/fear/hatred/unforgiveness/discrimination/judgement of others/etc.

I also have a new family.  My church is my family now (even though I still do love my biological family).  It just shows me that love is ever-expanding. We can always have room to love more people.  It's not a finite commodity.  And Jesus is the one who has taught me all this.

Sometimes I think back to the hopelessness that was choking the life out of me before, and I almost feel like I'm falling.  If Jesus hadn't made notable and noticable (maybe not at the time, but in hindsight) impressions on me over the past couple of years, who knows where I'd be now.  I am so thankful for His love and mercy.

I just hope that you, reading this, have found this, or have the desire to find this happiness. It is not a conditional happiness or fleeting happiness. It is true internal joy which no situation can take away.

Selah.

Imagine this....

Ruth is a young bride. Her groom who is crazy about her.  He loves her so much that he can't contain himself. Ruth is everything to him.  He is constantly pours out his love, support, protection and riches on her  He treats her with the utmost respect and tenderness. He spends all his time with her and listens to her whenever she is worried or sad or when she is overjoyed about something.  He would do anything for Ruth and she would do anything for him.  She would follow him wherever he leads her and that idea is fine with Ruth because she knows that no matter what happens, he will be there and they will be together forever.  Life is great. The two of them grow closer and closer and couldn't be happier.  Isn't this this dream marriage?  Isn't this what most people long for in their lives with their husband/wife? 

But over time, for some strange reason, Ruth starts to stray. Not physically, but in her mind.  She is deceived by things outside of the marriage.  Her groom is still completely willing to protect and love her. But he is confused.  "What fault did she find in me that caused Ruth to go away from me?" he wonders. "Did I not pour out my riches on her and show her my love and devotion at all times? Did I not take care of her and protect her? What could possibly be out there that could interest her heart more than these things?"   Even their servants in the house who work for the groom wonder.. "She has everything anyone could ever possibly want and need.  Our master would do anything for her good. How could she even be tempted by other people and places?"   Ruth starts to leave the marriage.  She disappears for years and tries to enjoy life in the world.  She leaves the vastly beautiful mansion where she and her groom lived and moves into a small crude shack.   Ruth enjoys her newly perceived freedom and starts to date other men. But they don't care for her. They promise her things, security, love, protection, but in the end she finds out that their promises are empty. They rape her and rob her of everything.  They leave her destitute and heartbroken but she continues to date other men.  Her groom goes to her shack and begs her to come back to him. But Ruth is proud and ashamed and she hides from him.  She somehow, for some incomprehensible reason, prefers to live in the shack and have her heart stomped on and have everything stolen from her, even though her groom is dying inside and wants nothing more than to care for her and provide for her every need.  She continues to ignore and avoid him. Not only that, but she talks cruelly about him and calls him names behind his back.  She blames him for everything that is going wrong in her life. But she does not return to him. She continues in loneliness and darkness...


(to be continued..)

When I Say "I Am A Christian"... (very nice - and true - poem I found)

When I Say "I Am A Christian"...

When I say..."I am a Christian"
I'm not shouting "I am saved"
I'm whispering "I get lost!"
"That is why I chose this way."   

When I say..."I am a Christian"
I don't speak of this with pride.
I'm confessing that I stumble
and need someone to be my guide.  

When I say..."I am a Christian"
I'm not trying to be strong.
I'm professing that I'm weak
and pray for strength to carry on.  

When I say..."I am a Christian"
I'm not bragging of success.
I'm admitting I have failed
and cannot ever pay the debt.  

When I say..."I am a Christian"
I'm not claiming to be perfect,
my flaws are too visible
but God believes I'm worth it.  

When I say..."I am a Christian"
I still feel the sting of pain
I have my share of heartaches
which is why I seek His name.  

When I say..."I am a Christian"
I do not wish to judge. 
I have no authority.
I only know I'm loved.

 -Author Carol Wimmer - Copyright 1988

I am a Seventh Day Adventist Christian.

(I don't in any way mean this to be a sermon or lecture. This is just my experience lately and my perspective about understanding the world from the beginning of time until now. I hope you'll read the whole thing before you get angry with me or creeped out or think i'm insane.)



Yes. I am.


I've been thinking about it for months, learning, listening, mulling it over in my mind. But I've decided that I will classify myself, proudly, as a Seventh Day Adventist.  I have watched a LOT of videos of lectures by Prof Walter Veith and started reading the Authorized King James Version Bible again  (I actually asked for, and received, a very nice Bible for Christmas from my very nice brother ) thanks to the direction of my boyfriend. This change in my life was something I did not want to have happen when it started. I grew up in the Pentecostal denomination of Protestantism and I tried to understand it then. I struggled for years and went back to church a few times here and there.  It didn't feel right though. I never felt so much as a twitch, so to speak, from the Holy Spirit.  I, like so many people who don't understand at all, thought that God is all about anger and wrath and vengeance. I thought that He was unfair and unloving.  I searched online, in books, on tv for years for some way that it would be okay, even virtuous for me to reject any form of religion AND Jesus because the whole thing was awash with corruption and deceit. I was looking for anything which would help me understand the world. I desperately hungered for the truth.  It wasn't until I got to know Walter that I, in turn, got to know the true essence of who God and Jesus is.  He is the truth. 

We're taught, in general, that if you're not so and so, and you don't live your life perfectly, you are lost and you have no hope of ever seeing the light of day.  If you break this law or that commandment, Jesus immediately gives up and washes his hands of you and straight to the fires of Hell you go. That is a complete lie. It's a lie that is meant to make US angry and bitter toward this mean and hateful God. It's a lie which is used to enslave us into this mentality that we can never do anything to win the favour of the big grumpy deity in the sky. So we should just give up and deny his existence and shun anyone who has a tiny amount of faith.  How DARE they follow such a terrible creature. That person must be just as mean and hateful as the fake God they serve!



The thing they're missing is that Lucifer/Satan is the root of all these lies. He has spent thousands of years practicing how to lie and deceive. He is very good at it now.  Everything we know is our own perception. Perception is a very tricky thing. We have no idea what is real and we, as humans, try as we might to understand and be logical and smart, are very easily swindled. We're taught a bunch of things from the day we're born but who knows what is true and what is not. That is the very characteristic which Satan feeds on. He despises the human race and he will do anything to hurt, kill and destroy as many of us as possible.  All we can fall back on when deciding what might be the truth is logic, what seems morally correct to us and the idea of who benefits from a lie.  I don't want to get into a huge, confused garble of words here so I'll just say, think about who benefits(in his mind) if Satan has deceived the entire world from the beginning of time. It is definitely a complex issue for people to think about unless you just plain don't believe in God or Satan (that's what Satan wants muahahahaha  :P ).


On the opposite end of the spectrum is Love.  Most people don't seem to understand the nature of God. God really does love us.  Think about the relationship between a parent and their child(ren) and the infinite amount of love that they have for them. A parent would do anything, including jumping in front of a bullet, if it was needed, to save their child's life.  Who do you think designed us that way. That is the same love (but to a higher degree) which God has for us.  He wanted us to understand that which is why he created us to be able to procreate.  I know that I probably sound like one of "those" insane Christian freaks but I am desperate for people to understand how this works.  Being Christian shouldn't mean that you obnoxiously push your beliefs at people or judge people for petty things like what they're wearing or what they did last night. It's none of anyone's business what anyone else does.  It's between that person and God.  Being a Christian means you are a changed person. It means you do things for other people because you are in love with Jesus(yes i'm aware of how bizarre that sounds) and because you love to be the best person you can possibly be. But that doesn't mean you go around telling people "oh look, I did this and I did that. I'm such a nice person."  Jesus wants nothing to do with that attitude. Jesus wants us to have a passion for being as loving as possible. He wants us to be kind and generous and giving of our entire being no matter what our personal life situation allows. It doesn't matter if you're broke and on the street or if you live in a castle and have billions of dollars. He appreciates a dime from a poor person more than $10,000 from a billionaire.  It's all about the intentions and the heart. It has nothing to do with outward appearance. If you are truly a changed person, these attitude changes will be genuine and will come naturally.  Doing good deeds because you're "supposed" to means nothing if it's not from your heart.

I've met a lot of people who despise religion, including Christianity, who are absolutely good, well intentioned, moral and generous people. I completely understand where they're coming from when they bash Christianity or any religion.  I feel what they feel about it.  It's a shame that most "Christians" give Jesus such a bad name. As I said earlier, I grew up in a Pentecostal church and it was there that I experienced the most judgement and exclusion in my life.   I completely understand that strong rejection of religion.


I don't want to preach, here. I always despised when people "tainted" their common sense discussion with some annoying pushy preaching.  A truly changed person needs to tell everyone about the truth and about how amazing Jesus is but hopefully it's done in a humble and kind and respectful manner. It's when it's "witnessing" out of a feeling of obligation or duty where it usually seems to come across judgemental or preachy. I really hope I don't sound like that myself.  But  I will say, if you have an inkling of thirst for some understanding of this world, history, politics, why life is so disastrous at times (or always for some unfortunate people), I really recommend learning more about the REAL heart of God and what He wants you to know about yourself.  Check out the link about Walter Veith and also his very interesting and enlightening videos or send me an email  at maestroamanda@gmail.com

This was pretty long so I should cut myself off here.. The inspiration for this post was this video "Why I Hate Religion, But Love Jesus"  and I found it to make sense but that's because I understand the perspective.

If you want to be well educated and wise, check out this site!

For if you [the rulers] suffer your people to be ill-educated, and their manners to be corrupted from their infancy, and then punish them for those crimes to which their first education disposed them, what else is to be concluded from this, but that you first make thieves [and outlaws] and then punish them. Sir Thomas More (1478-1535), Utopia, Book 1